Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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