Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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