Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
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my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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