pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
