you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dicks are not precious.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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