tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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