Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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