Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
