dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
