They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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