Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
