So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
