I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize