I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dick very happy bro
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
