The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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