Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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