i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
