I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
