I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
