im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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