I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
