Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
