I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
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Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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