I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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