How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
you never un-have a 4some
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
