i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
