Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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