pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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