Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
