i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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