Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
