omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
