Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
