I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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