People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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