I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
