Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
