It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
