Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
