I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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