hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
