Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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