1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
