3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
