Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
