I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
