I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
