I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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