Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
