It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
