So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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