Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
