More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
