Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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