You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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