I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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