Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
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or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
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I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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