Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize