Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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