rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
