i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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