apparently the secret to your success is patron
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
