Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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