weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
