I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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