Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
