so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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