So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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