Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
