I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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