Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
