THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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