apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He did a backflip because drugs
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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