I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
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I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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