do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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