Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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