I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
