Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize