So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
