Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
