I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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