I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize